The book that sparked the new way of thinking about love, The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman, was written in 1995 and has become increasingly popular recently. What exactly are they and what do they mean?
The five love languages describe how we feel loved and appreciated. Depending on our individual personality types, we may feel loved differently than our partners. Understanding and deciphering these different ways of showing love helps to rethink your partner’s expectations and needs.
According to Dr. Chapman, there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
In this post, we will summarize the five love languages.
1: Words of affirmation
This love language expresses love with words that build up your partner. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest praise can be the most effective.
Words mean a lot when your partner has this love language. Compliments and an “I love you” can go a long way. On the other hand, negative or insulting comments can hurt your partner and may take longer to forgive than others.
2: Acts of service
Your partner may have this love language if his motto is, “Actions speak louder than words.”
This love language is expressed by doing things you know your spouse wants you to do. Cooking a meal, doing laundry, and picking up a prescription are all services. They require some thought, time and effort.
All of these things should be done with positivity and the ultimate happiness of your partner to be considered an expression of love. Actions out of obligation or with a negative tone are something else entirely.
3: Receiving Gifts
This love language is not necessarily materialistic. It just means that a meaningful or thoughtful gift will make your partner feel loved and appreciated. Something as simple as a pint of your favorite ice cream after a long week at work can have a big impact.
This is different from acts of service, where you show affection by taking actions to help your partner.
4: Quality Time
This love language is all about undivided attention. No TVs, no smartphones or other distractions. If this is your partner’s primary language, you not only want to be included during this time, you want to be the center of attention. You want your partner to just look at you and you.
This doesn’t mean you can’t curl up on the couch to watch Netflix or HBO; it just means you need to make sure you’re spending time together without all the distractions. This will help you feel comforted in the relationship.
Any time you cancel a date, postpone time together, or are absent during your time together, it can be extremely hurtful to your partner, as they will feel that you are more interested in other things or activities than you.
5: Physical touch
For people with this love language, nothing is more effective than physical touch from your partner. You are not necessarily into over-the-top PDA, but you feel more connected and secure in a relationship by holding hands, kissing,hugging, etc.
If physical touch is your partner’s primary love language, you feel unloved without physical contact. All the words and gifts in the world won’t change that. They want to feel you close, not just emotionally, but physically as well.
There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning your partner’s language and your own primary love language will help create a stronger bond in your relationship.